A Tribute to My Father

Thoughts about my Father (Dr. Willis F. Kirk Jr)
By Brian Kirk

My Dad, Willis F Kirk Jr. was a very special Man. He had an ability to always make me feel good about me, always positive and always looking on the bright side of things. He was my Father, friend, my hero, my teacher, my buddy, and confidant. No matter the situation, be it difficult or easy, he had one catch phrase that made it very clear to me that he was a strong Man.
Brian, “it’s hard but it’s fair, you had a good home but you left there.”

We would both smile and then laugh. Dad was so witty, clever, and humorous. I could always count on him to make the most out of a bad situation.

Some of the situations that happened over the course of our lifetime – the time when I came home from a rafting trip, with a classmate at West Portal elementary school, in the American River, where the raft exploded on a level 5 rapids, leaving the occupants dangling in the water, clinging to the side of the crippled, bottomless floating aft for five hours, as completed our journey safely to the second vehicle they left at the end of the trip, the night before.

I remember him saying “thanks for bringing him home” (trying not to make a bad situation worse) and then turning to me, after the family left and saying “you’ve had quite a day.”

Dad came to my defense and aid when I and the entire basketball team at Washington High School were called a “racial slur” by the basketball coach at a Menlo Park gas station. Dad and I made the decision to go the Principal, to discuss the matter.

The secretary ignored us at first, and then told us, that she would call Mr. Vidal, the assistant principal. Dad said, “NO, we want to talk to the Principal, and I am not leaving until I see him.”



I relaxed and told Principal Madres about the incident. After that meeting, with the support of my Dad, I quit the basketball team. Dad showed me how to deal with people that don’t like you, and to stand up to what you believe. He was a real strong Man. His strength was evident in his words, deeds and actions.

My high School years were also met with challenges that Dad handled with calm and a firm presence. I was caught smoking weed in the practice room by the band director. Dad came to school to speak with Mr. Takemoto, and gave me a heart to heart talk at home. He did not yell, but he was emphatic that he did not want to see me in trouble at school again. Mr. Takemoto used to laugh and tell me that it only took one phone call to your Father to get you on the right track.

There were so many situations that came up during his lifetime that he handled with style, dignity, courage, respect and grace. From the indignities shown to Dad by a racist society, who forced him to deal with some incredible episodes of racial injustice, in his home life, in the pursuit of education, in his workplace, in his personal and professional relationships, to the triumphs of rising above it all and soaring to the greatest heights above it all. Dad made it all happen with his charm, and friendly personality. Dad would say “Brian, its’ tough sailing but the Captain said sail on!

That’s how he lived his life. Dad never let anyone or anything stand in his way accomplishing his goals. If his intention to help someone with anything, he would take the time to make it the most important thing in his life, and get it done. If you had a problem, he would sit and listen to you, give you words of wisdom, numerous stories, and then leave you with something funny, to lighten your load. He made you feel as if you were the most important person in his life, with each conversation. 

Speaking of time…

Dad was always either on time or early, for everything, such as gigs, meetings at work, with friends, appointments, and all events. The Man was deliberately in place when it was time to “hit” as would say. “What time is the downbeat?” 

 He was also patient with others, when things did not happen on time.

There were so many things that Dad and Mom did for me, and my sister, financially, spirituality, in presence, in spirit, in deeds and in actions. Once we told them our plans, and they agreed that it would be beneficial to our present and future circumstances, they never hesitated to help us.

I will never forget when I wanted a set of vibes and my English teacher at City College, said he was selling a brand instrument for 600.00 dollars, I came home and told him, and was like Say what? 600 dollars for a brand new set of vibes.

Man that’s cheap! “Are you going to play them he asked?” I said yes, and he said “okay, because if you don’t”, I have a brand new set of vibes for 600 dollars!”

Brian – My Father gave me a ring. The only given to him by his Father. He said “Brian, this is the only thing my Father ever gave me.”  I have that ring because Dad gave it to me.

I think the fact that he and his father never had a real strong relationship drove Dad to always be there for my mom, my sister and me. He had a strong love of his family, good friends, and acquaintances. Dad could talk to and make friends with anybody.

He would say hello to everyone he saw. Most responded and a conversation would insure, sometimes for minutes, sometimes for an hour. I often asked Dad, Do you know that person?

He would say, Uh – Uh, “I don’t know that man from ADAMS HOUSE Cat. I just said hello and we started talking” That was Dad, when you talked to him; you were an important person in his life.

I can count the number of times I heard him curse, get angry, or say a bad word about anybody. Dad was one cool Cat under pressure. His favorite slogan, “its tough sailing but the Captain said SAIL ON!

I watched him play the drums in awe every time he played. He would pick up a pair brushes and “wear out a snare drum.” Once day I asked him how you get such a great sound out of a drum using the brushes. He shrugged his shoulders and said “I don’t know” I just sit down and play what I feel, I guess”

I used to do my homework and listen to him practice the drums, and get lost in the sound, the rhythm and music. I remember when the rock and roll, rhythm and blues, funk music became prominent he would come to me and say, “I can’t rock beats very well. I want you to show me how to play rock.” He was always into learning new things, always wanting to grow and improve his musical skills.

Oh, and his piano playing! He had an ability to play the piano like no other. Dad was beautiful pianist. The touch, his feel, the rhythm, his sense of swing, note choices, and his vast knowledge of chords, and how they fit together.

Dad loved chords and melodies, and would sit at the piano for hours. We used to love to listen to him play. I was extremely proud of his accomplishments as a musician, especially proud of his ability to play drums, vibes, timpani and piano.

Dad was a gifted composer, arranger, conductor and not a bad singer to boot. His music has so much soul, feeling and passion. Dad could write a beautiful melody and then address with lyrics, or color it with the right instruments. His rejoice, rejoice is an incredible testament to his commitment to his spirituality, his passion for artistic creativity and love of life.

Dad lived a lot of life, every minute to the fullest. His love of history, music, art, philosophy, politics and people, was evident in the numerous books that he read. He loved to relax and look at the water, trees, mountains, valleys, and all of the planets natural beauty. He really appreciated being with others, and being in the moment.

He wrote books in music education that will be encyclopedias for knowledge for drummers, musicians and all music educators for many years to come. I told him he should write some philosophy books on life. He had so much wisdom about life. Dad’s stories were fascinating because he was there to either to witness or have knowledge of so many events that occurred in music and American history.

Dad and I used to sit and listen to music on the record player for hours, and talk about the music, the musicians. He would interject his personal stories about the jazz musicians, and I would listen to him intently, knowing I was in the presence of music royalty. These are the times I will miss the most. You could count on Dad to call me every day and ask me how the gig went.

I remember the time that Dad and I were talking about the Blues, and the local blues singers in town that I had begun to perform with. My sister Cynthia was getting a little tired of the conversation at the dinner table being about music all the time. Cynthia suddenly exclaimed “NO-BODY wants to hear that CRY IN YOUR BEER MUSIC!”

First we were in shock over her statement. Then Dad start laughing and laughing, and soon we all joined in for a good laugh. Cynthia’s statement became a running joke for many years to come. Dad could find the humor in every situation. 

When Jazz Saxophonist Joe Henderson told me that my high school graduation day was a real sad day, “because now you are out here with us” Dad turned that statement into a joke, laughed about it, made me laugh as well, and to this day, that is one of our running joke slogans for many tough situations that happen in life, that we laugh about. His sense of humor was infectious. He could always turn a negative into a positive with a smile, quick wit and acute wisdom.
When Joe became ill, Dad would go visit him and take him his favorite McDonald’s hamburgers.

Dad loved his hats and bags, and jackets. I counted over thirty different caps, hats, along with bags, jackets, galore. He was so unselfish with them, as he would give them to me or others if they were too big, too small or just because he wanted you to have them.

My Father was a kind and generous Man. He worked really hard, day and night to provide for our family. For years he worked as an educator by day and musician by night. I greatly admired his discipline, work ethic and the many things that he accomplished. He and my mother
were terrific parents, and I could not be more proud of their deeds and accomplishments. My sister and I are very proud of both parents, as they spent 61 years together, as a couple who shared so much of their lives with us.

As Dad says, it not about how long you have been here. It’s about who you have helped along the way.
Dad, thanks for being as wonderful to me as a Father and a great Man. You will always live in my heart, mind and spirit.